Spiritual Oprah.
Awhile ago, I read a blog I posted about having “both feet in”. And I was thoroughly captivated by the passion overflowing from my words. Where -WHERE?- had this girl gone? Where did she keep running off to? And how in the heck did I get her to stick around permanently? She seemed to pop in for a time and then fade away slowly, sinking into the wallpaper of my never-consistent life.
That’s when I realized: I am a Spiritual Oprah.
No offense to Oprah, I love that woman and all that she does. But she’s made no secret of her yo-yo dieting and back-and-forth struggles with her weight. In a new series in 2008, her “Oprah’s Best Life” series, she began the first segment with a very powerful statement: “I can’t believe I’m still talking about my weight.” It was simple and not dramatic in the slightest, but it was poignant. She had gone through transformation after transformation and yet here she was, still discussing it. The case hadn’t been closed.
I can’t believe I’m still talking about making my way back to a life of faith.
You’d think that after four years of wrestling, struggling, pushing, pulling, questioning, wanting, and searching I would be set in my ways and pursuing Christ with reckless abandon, especially after he’s shown his power time and again, over and over, his mercy never fails me.
But I’m still talking about. Because I’m still wrestling. I’m still struggling. I still fight him with every breath in my lungs and every ounce of my strength. I cannot seem to gain a foothold of consistency even with the best of intentions. I think, though, that a part of growing up is realizing that intentions are a mere fraction of what is necessary to remain steady, stable, and consistent.
God knows I’m not making any promises. I have come to a place in my life that seems as though God is looking at me and saying, “Okay. You’ve talked for a long time. Now go do. Make it or break it.” I know that he never abandons me. But I am far, far different. I abandon him constantly. I am approaching a place where it is time for me to take a step forward and, rather than just merely talking about the woman I want to become, it is time for me to become her. No more trifling or delaying, in the words of the great Rafiki from The Lion King: It is time.
Can I do it? Only with the strength of Christ. Stay tuned!
